Pure Filth

Pear and Ginger Scones

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For my fellow scone lovers, these are super easy to make and a good way to use up any pears that refuse to ripen.  

I got the inspiration for these from one  I had in the Avoca cafe a couple of years ago.  Their versions are cut into individual scones, but I like making  these big break apart versions, and honestly just wasn’t a*sed faffing about with a cutter. I didn’t have any but next time I’m going to try a white chocolate drizzle, as I think it would be yummy.

Makes 8

Ingredients

350 Grams Self Raising Flour

100 Grams Butter (chilled and cut into small squares)

50 Grams Sugar

150 Grams Firm Pear (peel, core and cut the pear into 1.5cm chunks)

1 Tsp Baking powder

2 Tsp Ground Ginger

1 Tsp Vanilla extract

Method

  • Pre heat the oven to 220 degrees (Celsius), line a large baking tray with baking parchment (I had a solid sheet which also works well)
  • Combine your flour and butter, if you have a food processor pulse until the mix looks like bread crumbs.  If you don’t, you can use the rubbing in method.
  • Add the baking powder and ginger and mix through, before adding the diced pear, gently mix into the flour mix to coat the chunks (it will stop them clumping)
  • Combine the milk and vanilla and gradually add to the flour mix stirring gently (I think you’re better using your hand for this, but this gives some people the ick, so use a spatula if you don’t like using your hands).  The mix should be fairly moist and bring it together  into a ball.
  • The secret of good scones is to handle the mix as little as possible.  When you have formed the mix into a ball turn onto the baking parchment, and with a floured rolling pin, roll into a circle that is about 5cm thick.
  • With a sharp knife score the top of the scone marking it in half, then a quarter then into 8ths.  Place in the oven and bake for 15-20mins.  Allow to on a wire wrack
  • Best served whilst still warm, but they’ll keep fresh if stored an airtight box for 2-3 days

Rice Krispie Squares

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A work mate’s birthday was coming up. I promised to bring in something nice and these popped into my head for some reason. I hadn’t made them in years and I forgot just how nice they were.

Only 3 ingredients and no baking, you can even use a microwave to melt the butter and marshmallows. These were an all round crowd pleaser, and they’re also great for anyone who can’t have gluten. This is also a good recipe to make with kids, as they can get involved with lots of stirring (the only problem is getting to wait until the squares set).

Ingredients

40 Grams Butter

150 Grams Rice Krispies (or other generic puffed rice cereal)

200 Grams Marshmallows (if you can get the mini marshmallows even better as they melt faster)

Method

  • Line a 6in x 6in dish with grease proof paper/baking parchment (if you don’t have a dish this size, don’t stress, use what you have, but the thickness might be different)
  • Add the butter and marshmallows to a large microwave safe bowl and microwave for 30 seconds at a time stirring well each time to make sure everything melts evenly (if you don’t want to use the micro wave you can go old school and melt the butter and marshmallows in a large heat proof dish over a pan of simmering water)
  • When the marshmallows have completely melted, mix in the puffed rice and mix until its thoroughly coated
  • Transfer to the lined dish and spread out evenly with the back of a spoon or spatula. Allow to set in the fridge for at least an hour. If your feeling especially bougie, you could top the rice krispie treats with 150 grams of melted chocolate (it makes the top of the squares nice and smooth, but honestly I prefer them as they are)
  • Once the mix has set cut into 4-5 cm squares. Store in an air tight box until ready to eat

Pears Belle Helene

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Autumn is the best time for most pears and I love them.  But they can be spiteful little sh*ts, staying like granite for weeks before turning into mush in about 20 minutes.

This classic  french recipe is perfect if you have really hard pears and can’t be bothered waiting on them softening.  I mean, soft poached pears, vanilla  ice cream and hot chocolate sauce, OMG Yum.

It’s also a great dessert if you’re cooking for people, as you can poach the pears the day before and then just add a scoop of shop bought vanilla ice cream and it takes 2 minutes to make a super simple chocolate sauce. 

It’s the ideal dessert if you’re making a heavy main course as it’s pretty light but still tastes indulgent.  If you’re catering for anyone who needs a gluten free dessert this is a great go to (just check the ingredients on the ice cream when you’re buying it).

Serves 4

(for the poached pears)

4 Pears (variety isn’t important as long as they’re not soft)

125 Grams Sugar (you can add more sugar if you like to the poaching liquid, but I prefer desserts that aren’t super sweet)

1 Tsp Vanilla extract (optional)

750 Mil Water

For the chocolate sauce

150 Grams Dark chocolate

150  Mil Double cream

4 Scoops of vanilla ice cream

50 Grams Toasted almonds (optional)

Method

  • Add the sugar, water, and vanilla extract to a pot and heat until the sugar has dissolved into the water
  • Peel the pears (leave the stem on if possible), and try to remove the bottom spiky bit and some of the core of the pear, don’t scoop out too much or the pear might fall apart once poached
  • Add the pears to the poaching liquid and simmer on a low heat for about 15-20 minutes depending on how big or firm the ears are.  I top this with some scrunched up grease proof paper that sits directly if the pears and poaching liquid.  This isn’t essential but it helps stop too much evaporation and keepy things in place. 
  • Test the pears with a fork to make sure they are soft and lift them out onto a plate with a slotted spoon and allow to cool.  If you’re making them to eat the next day, then chill in the refrigerator
  • When you’re ready to serve transfer the pears to individual bowls or plates.
  • Break your chocolate into small pieces and put in a microwave safe dish.  Heat the chocolate for 30 seconds at a time (stirring each time) in the microwave to make sure it melts but doesn’t burn. 
  • When the chocolate is melted whisk in the double cream until you get a glossy creamy chocolate sauce.  If I’m being fancy I like to pour it into little jugs so people can pour it over themselves, otherwise just spoon it over
  • Add a scoop of ice-cream onto the plate with the poached pear and then spoon over the chocolate sauce and sprinkle with toasted almonds (if you’re eating this on your own or with a trusted loved one, there is no judgement here if you want to lick the plate, and you will)

Santiago Tart

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This traditional Spanish tart is usually presented with a cross on top which is meant to represent the cross of St James.  My attempt at this wasn’t very symmetrical, and I’m not religious, but I thought I’d at least try to follow up the tradition.

The smell of almonds and orange that will float through your home is amazing (better than any air freshener, and forget coffee if I was in the market for a house, I’d definitely buy somewhere if it smells like this cake)

Using an electric whisk makes this pretty quick to knock together and is a yummy treat for anyone who is gluten or dairy intolerant.

Ingredients

6 Eggs (separated on to yolks and whites)

250 grams Caster Sugar

250 grams Ground Almonds

Zest of an orange

1 Tsp Orange flower water (don’t be tempted to add more, it’s very strong)

Method

  • Pre heat the oven to 170 degrees (Celsius) and line an 8 inch baking tin with baking parchment
  • In a large bowl whisk the sugar and egg yolks tomorrow with an electric whisk until light and creamy and increased in volume
  • With a spatula, fold in the orange zest, orange flower water and ground almonds and 1 tablespoon of water
  • Wash the beaters of the electric whisk thoroughly (otherwise your egg  whites won’t whisk up properly) before starting to whisk the egg whites in a separate bowl until  they form stiff peaks
  • Carefully fold the egg whites into the almond mixture trying to knock out too much air, but making sure the egg whites are thoroughly combined
  • Transfer the mix to your pre-prepared cake tin and bake for 50 minutes
  • Allow the cake to cool in the tin for 15 minutes before turning out on to a wire wrack to cool.  Then when totally cool, dust with icing sugar

Cuppa Cuppa Cuppa Bars (only 3 ingredients)

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I made this as a cake a while back, and had to bring something to a family thing and didn’t have a cake tin so tried these as cake bars because they’d be easier to move.

The recipe couldn’t be simpler and you don’t even need scales to measure the ingredients.  It’s based on a recipe the blessed Dolly Parton’s character calls out to someone in the movie Steel Magnolias. The name comes from the recipe needing a cup of each ingredient.

There are equal quantities of the ingredients and you can use the can to measure the ingredients.  It’s also handy to make from store cupboard staples and literally takes 5 minutes to knock together before baking

Ingredients

400ml Can of fruit salad (make sure to buy the one with syrup, not saved in juice)

Sugar

Self raising flour

Method

  • Pre-heat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius, line a 6in x 9in baking tin with baking parchment
  • Pour the can of fruit salad into a large bowl.
  • Rinse out the can and dry it well.  Fill the can with flour, empty the flour into the bowl (you can sift it if you have time)
  • Fill the can with sugar and add it into the other ingredients.  Mix with a spatula until well combined and there are no floury patches
  • Empty the cake mix into the baking tin and spread evenly.  Bake for 25-30 minutes

Croque Monsieur Bake

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Stop throwing away stale bread and use it for this yummy unctuous comforting bake.  You can make most of it the night before and impress everyone with a super chic breakfast, but it’s great at any time of the day.  This is best if you can start it the night before but if not allow the bread to soak up the egg mixture for at least an hour or two

If you’re being totally authentic you should use Gruyere cheese, but I didn’t have this so I used cheddar and it was yummy too.

Serves 4

Ingredients

8 Slices of stale white bread

175 Grams Cheese (save about a third of the cheese to sprinkle on top before you put the bake in the oven)

4 Slices of ham

6 Eggs

350mil Milk

2 Tbsp Soft butter

2 Tbsp Dijon mustard

For the bechamel sauce

40 Grams Butter

20 Grams Plain Flour

4000 mil Milk

Salt and pepper

Method

  • Butter 4 slices of bread, and spread the other 4 slices with mustard
  • Thinly slice two thirds of the cheese, and with ham make 4 cheese and ham sandwiches
  • Cut each sandwich into 4 triangles.  Lightly grease an oven proof dish and arrange the sandwiches in the dish.
  • Whisk the eggs and milk together with a pinch of salt and pepper and pour over the sandwiches making sure they are all coated
  • Cover the dish with cling film and allow to sit overnight in the fridge (or for at least an hour or two)
  • Preheat the oven to 180 degrees (Celsius)
  • Make a bechamel sauce, melting butter in a sauce pan before stirring in flour to make a roux type paste and then gradually stir in the milk and heat until the sauce thickens and doesn’t taste floury anymore, season with salt and pepper
  • Grate the remaining cheese, and remove the oven proof dish from the fridge.  Top the sandwiches with the bechamel sauce and sprinkle with cheese
  • Bake for 30-40 minutes until deeply brown and bubbly.
  • Allow to sit for 10 minutes before serving

Chocolate Chip Banana Bread.

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I went away overnight and within 24 hours a bunch of bananas had turned manky and over ripe.

Never one to waste food, the recipe perfect for bananas that are past their best called to me.  I decided to add in some chocolate just to make it even yummier, but if you’re a psychopath and don’t like chocolate you can leave it out.

140 Grams Butter (soft/room temperature)

140 Grams Sugar

140 Grams Self raising flour

1 Tsp Baking powder

1 Tsp Vanilla extract

2 Eggs

3 Bananas (mashed)

100 Grams Chocolate (you can use chocolate chips, but i just cut up a milk chocolate bar)

Msthod

  • Preheat the oven to 180 degrees Celsius qnd line a 2lb loaf tin wirh baking parchment
  • Using an electric whisk or stand mixer, cream the butter and sugar together
  • Add the vanilla, eggs and bananas to the butter and sugar and mix well
  • Whisk in the flour, a third a a time until fully combined
  • Stir in the chocolate until its evenly distributed through out the batter
  • Pour the batter into the loaf tin, making sure the mix gets right into the corners
  • Bake for 45-50 minutes, you’ll know the banana bread is ready when you stick a cocktail stick into the middle of tbe loaf and it comes out clean.  Allow to coo in the tin foe 15 minutes before try to cut (best left to cool completely, but it smells so good you might not be able to help yourself)

Cherry Scones

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One of my favourite treats while I’m at work is a mid morning cherry scone.

Ingredients

450 Grams Self raising flour (hold back 1 tablespoon of flour to use to coat the fruit)

2 Tsps Baking powder

50 Grams Butter (chilled and cut into small cubes)

50 Grams Sugar

300 Mil Milk

100 Grams Glace Cherries (you can swap this for dried fruit if you prefer)

2 Eggs (beaten)

Method

Sift the flour and baking powder together, and add the butter. If you have a food processor whiz the butter and flour together until it resembles breadcrumbs. You can also use the rubbing in method if you don’t want to use a food processor.

Toss the cherries in 1 tablespoon of flour as this will help prevent them from clumping together. Add the cherries and sugar to the flour mix and stir to combine.

Add the eggs to the milk and stir before adding the dry mix and stir well until fully combined.

Preheat the oven to 220 degrees (Celsius), and line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Turn the scone mix onto a well floured surface and gently form into a ball (try not to handle the mix too much or you will end up with tougher scones, they’ll still taste good so you don’t need to be too precious about it).

Rub flour onto a rolling pin (or use a wine bottle if you don;t have one) and roll out the scone dough until it is about 2-3 cm thickness. Use a cookie cutter or glass to cut out the scones (how big you want to make them is up to you, I like a fairly substantial scone and this recipe made 8 scones, you can use a smaller cutter to make more dainty scones if you prefer).

Place the scones on the baking sheet and you can brush with a little milk if you want them to have a glaze (I don’t bother with this step, but you can do it if you a fancier scone). Bake for 15 minutes and then allow to cool on a wire rack.

No Churn Pistachio and Rose Water Ice Cream

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Making ice-cream without an ice cream maker is a pain, but this recipe is super easy and doesn’t need one (who needs another appliance you’ll only use a couple of times a year clogging up your kitchen).

Ingredients

400 mil Condensed Milk

200 Mil Double (heavy) cream

1 Tsp Rose Water (don’t be tempted add more, trust me this is enough)

50 Grams Pistachios

Pink food colouring (optional)

Method

  • Add the condensed milk and cream to a large bowl and whisk with an electric whisk (or use a stand mixer) until thick and nearly doubled in size
  • Mix the rose water and food colouring if you’re using it, together and whisk in the cream mix
  • With a spatula gently fold in 2/3 of the pistachios
  • Line a 1lb loaf tin with cling film, leaving 6-7cm  hanging over each end
  • Pour the ice cream mix into the loaf tin and sprinkle the top with remaining pistachios (I had some rose petals and sprinkled these across too, because i was feeling fancy)
  • Cover the ice cream with the extra cling film hanging over the ends of the tin.  Freeze for at least 6 hours

Fifteens

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I’ve never heard of anyone making these outside Northern Ireland (unless that person happened to have a Granny from NI), so I think we can claim these as our own.  Fifteens are delicious as a teatime treat, or with an ice cold glass of milk or a tea/coffee.  They are easy to make, and ideal for little hands to help with it.

The name comes from needing fifteen of most of the ingredients, so it’s really hard to mess up.

These are sweet, but they aren’t for everyday so little it’s all about balance.  Sometimes we need a little indulgence, so go ahead and treat yourself.

Make 15

Ingredients

15 Digestive biscuits (Graham crackers)

15 Marshmallows

15 Glace cherries (if you really hate these, you can experiment with alternatives like Turkish delight or maltesers, go nuts)

150 mls condensed milk (double check you’re buying condensed milk, not evaporated or else these will be totally rank.  I’ve done it before I know, but if you did check out the recipe for gypsy pie which does use evaporated milk)

100gms Desiccated coconut

Makes 15

Method

  1. Put the digestive biscuits in a bag and bash the life out of them with a rolling pin until the crumbs look like rough sand (this is a great stress reliever).  When this is done, put the crumbs into a mixing bowl
  2. Cut marshmallows and glace cherries in half, and add to the digestive biscuit crumbs
  3. Add the condensed milk, it will look like there isn’t enough milk to make the mix come together but trust me.
  4. Put a 12-15 inch piece of cling film on a counter top and sprinkle with the coconut
  5. Sprinkle the 15s mix in a line down the centre of the sheet of cling film, and press the biscuit mix into a log shape, about 10-12 cm long  depending on how wide you want the 15s to be.  Sprinkle the remaining coconut on the top and sides of the log.  When this is done, gather the cling film tightly around the sausage shape making sure it is completely covered.
  6. Refrigerate the log for 2 hours, and then remove the cling film and cut into 2 cm thick slices.  You can cut off as little or as much of the log as you want, and as long as it is covered in the cling film it will live in the fridge quite happily for several days (Although I can promise it won’t last that long)